'Andar-Bahar' Card

The fact that we as Indians are obsessed with the West is something none of us can deny.

Their style of dressing, their attitude, their technological supremacy, even their movies are followed with keen interest. But when aping the West has a positive impact then why would anyone complain?

Who hasn’t heard about Social Security numbers? It is a unique code assigned to every American resident. Several Hollywood films regarding identity theft have also been made on the subject. So when the Indian government announced ambitious plans to start an Aadhar card along the same lines, I thought to myself here we go again.

 Our population of 1.2 billion is a statistic we flaunt proudly, possibly because it means we are finally at the top of some list atleast, but even there we come 2^nd. The task of bringing these people to come and register for the card was the first roadblock they faced. The government forgot that there is nothing that unites our country like cricket and war. Not very difficult to imagine since they have so much in common. Maybe Mr. Nilekani should have organized India- Pakistan matches all over the country and then registered everyone at the stadium itself.

Instead government offices became the apex of the registration process with normal life thrown out of gear as people were called upon at odd times, usually during a weekday. Mine is a very meticulous family. The date of registration was written on a white-board serving as a reminder that all necessary documents must be in place before the appointed date. I thought we would be out of the office in no time, especially since we had everything ready. The peon at the office asked us to take a seat, he could have added “Aana jaana toh rahega hi, apna hi ghar samajhna”.

Unfortunately, the workers had decided to take their lunch-break a little early. Like any good Indian citizen would know, lunch-break in a government office is more dangerous than a contagious disease, not only because of its potency but the alarming speed with which it claims victims. We were left alone in the room as lunch rolled into a paan session and then a few good burps and probably a relaxing siesta.

Dejected and disappointed, we returned home determined to make it work the next time around. Mine is an indomitable family. The following time we would make it happen. My parents will probably not put as much effort to endear themselves to my wife’s parents in future, as they did that night, our second call for the registration. If the last time had been deserted, this time, one could really appreciate the extent of India’s population. If you fell down there, you would be trampled, squished and crushed just like the way your chaatwaala demolishes a lemon. 

My mom told us it wasn’t our fault, she had checked this morning; our stars were not in the correct positions. However my mother had skills other than reading planetary charts and she had resolved to finish this chapter. She went over to the nearest clerk and gave him one of her widest 100-watt smiles; the poor bugger had no clue what had hit him. After all, my dad had fallen prey to the same charm 20 years ago, what chance did this man stand? His legs moved off their own accord, he was her slave. In the next 15 minutes, we were made to take fingerprint and iris scans, the whole nine yards. But we had done it!

A few days ago, there was news that the Government had decided to scrap the program and start afresh owing to the poor manner in which the process had been carried out resulting in lack of information. The symbol of the Aadhar card is an abstract image of a rising Sun. To me it looks more like a half-cooked omelette, ready to be thrown into the trashcan.

One can only hope that we manage to overcome our silly preoccupation with the West and devise solutions that are tailor-made for our country.

Till that happens, ready to smile again mommy?